They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
