your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
