They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
