Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
