my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
