Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
