Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
