Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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