So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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