pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
