Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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