I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
