College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
