I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just gift wrapped bread.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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