he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Let's get the cat blown out
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
