I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
