sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
