when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
