having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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