Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she smelled like a LAN party
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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