Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
