She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
