Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
