i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
