I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You made out with two different species that night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
