Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
