Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
