OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
