tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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