I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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