I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
