I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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