making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
