8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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