in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
