I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
