what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
