Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
