the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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