Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
