She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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