Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
