I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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