omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
