If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
