Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i will never coherently bang her
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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