He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you never un-have a 4some
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
