Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
