Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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