I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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