i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
