Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
