he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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