Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
