wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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