i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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