At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We need to get me chipped asap
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
