he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
