Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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