somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
