Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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