bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
