I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
