That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
