I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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