He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
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I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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