That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
