Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
