i'm lost and i look like a hooker
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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