I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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