Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
