Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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