Well douche your snatch and let's go!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
