and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
