I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
