put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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